In life, we must put our own health first. If your own needs are not being met, you do not have enough overflow to invest in anyone else. Humans have legitimate physical, emotional and mental needs that are required to be met in order for that person to be a healthy contributor. You cannot be an effective friend, child, parent, spouse or person if you have needs that are consistently not being met.
It is important to understand the requirements of your own needs. Some people have to work out every day in order to fulfill their physical needs, some need to take a nap at 3:00 in the afternoon. Some people need to be told "I love you" as they are given a daily hug. Some people need to be left alone for an hour when they get home from work in order to relax and recharge. When you are a family, it is so important to understand the needs of the members. A balance needs to be attained in which everyone's needs are being met sufficiently, and one person's needs are not sapping all the energy and taking away from giving to another member.
For example, I need about 15 minutes when I get home from work or school to relax and unwind, Patrick wants to be physically affirmed with a hug and a kiss and a chat about the day. Our needs are contradictory. Therefore, we must come to a compromise in which both our needs are met. When I get home, I kiss and hug him, and then go and relax by myself, after which I come back and we talk about our day. This is not how it always goes, but it is an example of what I am saying.
The most important thing to remember is that YOU are important. YOUR needs must be met in order for you to give back to those you love. If your needs are not being openly and honestly met, you will find unhealthy ways to meet your needs. You will simply learn to manipulate yourself and others into getting that which you should simply require of yourself to get. It is so much better to be able to say "I need attention!" or "I need to be left alone" and have the people that know and love you understand that once they give you what you need, you will be able to then give it back when they say "I need a hug!" or " I need you to listen to my story!."
This only works if everyone truly loves one another, and truly desires to fulfill one another's needs. This is family, this is love, and this is how you take care of YOU.
It is important to understand the requirements of your own needs. Some people have to work out every day in order to fulfill their physical needs, some need to take a nap at 3:00 in the afternoon. Some people need to be told "I love you" as they are given a daily hug. Some people need to be left alone for an hour when they get home from work in order to relax and recharge. When you are a family, it is so important to understand the needs of the members. A balance needs to be attained in which everyone's needs are being met sufficiently, and one person's needs are not sapping all the energy and taking away from giving to another member.
For example, I need about 15 minutes when I get home from work or school to relax and unwind, Patrick wants to be physically affirmed with a hug and a kiss and a chat about the day. Our needs are contradictory. Therefore, we must come to a compromise in which both our needs are met. When I get home, I kiss and hug him, and then go and relax by myself, after which I come back and we talk about our day. This is not how it always goes, but it is an example of what I am saying.
The most important thing to remember is that YOU are important. YOUR needs must be met in order for you to give back to those you love. If your needs are not being openly and honestly met, you will find unhealthy ways to meet your needs. You will simply learn to manipulate yourself and others into getting that which you should simply require of yourself to get. It is so much better to be able to say "I need attention!" or "I need to be left alone" and have the people that know and love you understand that once they give you what you need, you will be able to then give it back when they say "I need a hug!" or " I need you to listen to my story!."
This only works if everyone truly loves one another, and truly desires to fulfill one another's needs. This is family, this is love, and this is how you take care of YOU.
